Where's the porn?

Rather than do all the other things I'm supposed to be doing, I bring you a rec!

I know lots of people have rec'd this, but what the heck. It just proves, once again, that it is the writing, not the pairings (SS/HG/LM) or the subject (peacock poo) that makes the fic.

The Beginner's Guide to Breeding Peacocks isn't really about breeding peacocks. Well, that does rather get things going... but.

Summary: Snape has a theory about Karmic balance - and Peacock Poo.

An excerpt:

A man who has been miserable for forty years could find himself unbalanced if life were to treat him too well. He had, against all the odds, survived death, treachery, war and being bitten by a large, venomous snake, to find himself a free man, with a small pension and no need to teach. That kind of good luck, if it continued unalloyed with some form of suffering, could only make a person suspicious as to what kind of hell fate had in store for him. As long as he was treading in peacock poo, he knew where he was.

Lucius breeds peacocks.
Snape is a peacock expert, working for Malfoy.
Hermione, champion of the unfortunate, has a peacock problem.

Mix well, and with generous amounts of wine.

So. If you like your women strong, independent, clever and in control; if you like your men fallible and funny, but not fools; if you like your humor dry, your banter sharp enough to cut, your puns naughty, your sex hot, and your Karma in balance, you just might love this fic. I know I do.

Another Snupin Santa rec!

This one is: The Voyage of HMS Leviosa.
Prompt: Non-magic, non-werewolf AU, with Remus as a lieutenant on Captain Malfoy's ship. The arrival of gentleman naturalist Severus Snape on board raises eyebrows (and other things.) Secret smexing at sea in an unforgiving environment and era. Jealousies, intrigues, brutality or threesomes all possible, but no psychotic Lucius, please. Cameo appearances by other characters would be a lovely bonus.
In a nutshell: Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes; Yup. Kinda. No, no, some, no, gotcha. Yes.
Summary:Botanical geographer Severus Snape reawakens Lieutenant Lupin's interest in life, amongst other things.

This is a beautifully written, staggeringly well researched fic telling of the voyage of discovery made by the HMS Leviosa under Captain Lucius Malfoy between the Years of our Lord 1800 and 1832. Under the sponsorship of Sir Harry Potter, Severus Snape has set out to discover and catalog the marvels and mysteries of the South Sea Islands. The story is told my Lieutenant Remus Lupin through his thoughts and his log book, and through the letters home by Captain Malfoy.

It. Is. Wonderful.

Here on eFiction, or LJ, or IJ

My gift is up at Snupin Santa! Actually - am I lucky or what? - two gifties! And they are fabulous!

Shifting is set between the wars, in Siberia, on Christmas. Snape came to collect a potion ingredient and is stuck there due to the Aurora Borealis disrupting his - everyone's - magic. Naturally, he runs into Lupin.

The writing and the imagery in this fic are so beautiful. Here, let me give you a sample:

Severus tosses and turns in the narrow bunk of the train compartment, wide awake despite the constant rocking of the locomotive. Outside, the sky is aglow with swirling, dancing clouds of light – the Aurora Borealis, that natural phenomenon which continues to disturb his days and haunt his nights. Sleep is impossible, so Severus pulls his cloak around himself and stands quietly at the window, staring out into the deep and dark December night. It's Christmas, he thinks idly – not something that he's never cared about, for the season has never brought him any comfort or joy. The snow-covered landscape glistens gently in the reflected light of the sky and the world seems very, very still. Mile after mile rolls by, eaten up by the sturdy metal wheels that speed along on the rails, carrying them closer to Lake Baikal. They're expected to arrive in the very early morning, although the nearly-constant darkness makes time almost irrelevant here. The train thunders towards the east, and Severus loses track of how long he stands there, gazing through the window at the lights in the sky. They are almost patchy in appearance now, frequently blinking on and off the way he remembers the Muggle sort of fairy lights in store windows when he was a child. It does him no good to think of those days, and he tries to shake off the encroaching sadness; tries to replace it with his customary bitterness, but both the timeless quality of being on this train and the surreal and muted feeling of standing here at the window amplify his sense of apartness.

*shivers*

The dialogue is perfect. Lupin is dry and funny, and Snape is snarky and snide. And the *ahem* sex is blistering.


Suspicious Minds is set during PoA, and done from Sirius' POV. Now, Sirius is not my favorite character, but my Mystery Author captures his loneliness, frustration, isolation - and touch of madness - perfectly enough to make me weep for him. It's done as a series of drabbles. Here is one:

You sit beside me during the Order meetings as always, but I am acutely aware that you are acutely aware of his every move. I too watch him like a hawk, but whereas at first I believed our objectives were the same, now I begin to doubt.

I watch him for signs of weakness or hesitancy, but he is as unflinching as a serpent.

He resolutely ignores us both, yet somehow, he doesn’t ignore you in quite the same way.

Perhaps his hatred for me is greater? I would certainly hope so, as my hatred for him knows no bounds.

*nnnnn*


This link goes directly to eFiction, and this to LJ, and this to IJ. You need an account to comment on eFiction - but that's easy to set up - but you can also comment on LJ or IJ. If you like them, and how can you not, please leave love for my Marvelous Mystery Author!

There is marvelous art to be ... marveled over ... at Snupin Santa. I wish I could be as coherent and organized as Lee with my recs, but I'm not. So. Even if you haven't read the incomparable busaikko's R and D series - and if you haven't, DO SO - you will love the two gorgeous illustrations here.

Don't forget to leave love for the artist! (If you don't have an account on efiction they are easy to set up, or you can leave comments on LJ, or IJ.)

Anyone know why IJ has removed all but my default icon?

OMG! If you're not following Snupin Santa, get over there NOW and read You Know Me So Well. It's Lee's gift - or I'd swear she wrote it - and it is so awesome!

Summary: You will never forget how it happens: the way his lip curls around the word, the way he bares his uneven teeth in a silent hiss, the way his eyes fuse horror, fascination and contempt into one searing glance that brands you for the rest of your days. You are a monster. And in all the world, only the two of you understand. Set during PoA and MWPP era.

Warnings: PWP, bondage, NON-CON, wanking, rough sex, hate sex, werewolf-sex (both in wolf form, so I don’t think that’s bestiality but don’t quite know how to warn for it)

Don't be afraid of the warnings. It is beautifully written, smooth and compelling, and so hot it sizzles off the screen.

*runs off to take a cold shower and read again*

Grind by snegurochka_lee

Harry/Draco - yeah, yeah, get over it and go read. Well, if you like amazingly hot fic, that is.

On the RL side.... I need a section of shingles on my roof replaced. So today, a guy came over to look at it, and talk about it, and will give me an estimate. He is not insured, and I don't know him other than he and his family - uncle, nephew, grandfather - come into the store where I work on a regular basis. I do know that they are hard workers, as opposed to the kind who work for beer and bail money.

But anyway, roof aside. He was wearing sweat pants that hung low on his hips and that he keep adjusting... down... and sneakers, and that's it. He is youngish, fit, tanned, has red hair, and this tattoo on his shoulder blades of two facing... dragons.

Good thing he had his wife and daughter with him. Or not.

OK. I signed up for Snupin Santa this year, and it occurs to me that whichever poor soul gets my name might come to my journal looking to see what I like. So, I've put together a bit of a list in no special order.

( Cut for length. )

There are also more recs if you search my "rec" tag. (There are more recs on my LJ as I've had it longer.) I know the list is heavy with stories by both snegurochka_lee and busaikko, and while they write different types of stories, I love almost everything each has written.

I've always been a sucker for dirty talk, and this little fic is one of the very best.

Do You Remember by kirasha in daily_deviant.

Summary: When Severus discovers something Remus has been holding onto for twelve years, Remus wants to know if Severus has the same memories.

Turn on your fan before reading.

I have just read what has to be one of the funniest and hottest stories it has ever been my pleasure to come across.

The Vipertooth's Kiss by eeyore9990. It's posted in daily_deviant.

Charlie is injured, and enjoying the pain a bit too much. Snape gets a whiff of the Chinese Fireball "secretions" that are smeared on Charlie's skin. It's a bit... intoxicating, but Snape never loses his Snapishness, even if he can't stand up on his own.

Excerpt:
"Ah. A mating secretion laced with enough pheromones to drive a fully grown man insane with lust. Which is why the Chinese use it in their fertility potions. I've always found it rather unstable in most common bases and too expensive otherwise." Severus swayed and frowned when Charlie pushed himself off the table, strong arms coming around Severus to guide him gently into a nearby chair. "Did you know that, when mixed with guava berries, it can also cure erectile dysfunction?" Charlie's smile wavered in Severus' vision, causing him to blink to clear it.

Read and enjoy, but don't be drinking anything as this fic definitely needs a beverage warning!

snegurochka_lee has challenged those of us not going to Terminus to write/draw our Least Favorite Pairing. While I'm sure this would be my least favorite pairing (one or two of the sub-pairings might be) it is a pairing I'd never write. Except, I did. Just this once. So:

Title: Day's End
Author: smoke
Pairing: Hermione/Ginny
Rating: G
Word Count: under 300
Warnings: Unbeta'd
Summary: The sun is setting. Hermione and Ginny reflect.

( Day's End )

My Fantasy Fest fic is up at Lupin Snape on Live Journal!

Title: "I Said, Detention, Mr. Weasley."
Author: smoke
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Lupin/Snape/Charlie
Challenge: Fantasy Fest 2008
Short Fic Prompt 16: PWP: Both S & L discover the other has raunchy fantasies about Charlie. Est.relshp or no. End in 3some. PoA or OotP bonus! 18+!
Word Count: ~7,000
Summary: See prompt.
Disclaimer: The usual.
Warnings/Kinks: Almost crack, biting, blood, caning, dirty talk, felching, harsh sex, detention fantasy, (somewhat) innocent Charlie, predatory Snape, and a little leather
Notes: Set GoF year. This fic tried very hard to be crack. I fought it, but am not sure I won. Many thanks to shipchan and persevero for lightning fast beta work and Brit-picking. All remaining errors are mine.

This way to the pr0n.

... and call me a biscuit!

The generous mods of the quiz_sshg community (on LJ) used my one and only SS/HG story in their featured quiz, Hurt!Hermione Part 2.

And they sent me a lovely banner, too!



The story is "After the Battle, Healing Begins" and can be found at Sycophant Hex, or in my Insane Journal.

(Actually, I do have another SS/HG fic, but it's crack, so let's not go there, even is it did win an award..)

Thanks to aunty_marion for the company logo that produced this icon! Way to go guys!

(And the Sheriff's dept has backed off on it's insistence to have the dogs in the bestiality case euthanized. Yey!)

OK, I know bestiality isn't everyones cup of tea, and when it comes to people fucking animals, I have some real issues around consent, but if someone wants to go a few rounds under the family pet, (or werewolf) who am I to object? Yeah, most states have laws against it, but it's not like I've never done anything against the law. (I rolled through a stop sign once.)

( Cut for rant. )

No, I don't think Snape would have gotten together with Sirius and James for a little fun, but for this gorgeous piece of art by acatnamedeaster I'll suspend belief and just get lost in the image.

Boy's Night In is on daily_deviant.

Check it out, and Squeeee madly.

I know, I hardly ever post here, but there is a story by busaikko that is not to be missed. busaikko, as those who know her have noticed, has not been around the fandom as much since That Book came out. Well, she has written a short fic, that rather explains it - at least, it voices my feelings perfectly. It's a departure from her usual, but is one of the most perfect little jewels I've read in a long time. The loneliness is gut-wrenching, the madness frightening, the ending... well, if you know Busaikko, you'll read to the end. It is also clever and new and every word is perfect.

The World, A Book by busaikko.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: G
Summary: "I don't remember being young," he says, with a very faint smile. "Being a child. I think I came from a book. I think that I died, and I came here."

Go read this!

A few hundred (un-beta'd) words of foolishness, prompted by this and that.

( Lupin Lashes Out )

OK, move accomplished. All my fic now resides on IJ as well as GJ. The move was easy, with a little help from my friends, it was the recoding of the 146 links that was a pain. I still need one new link for a piece of art, but other than that, I think it's good to go.

Announcement

The place where my fic resides is at _smoke_'s journal, Smoke Show.

[/announcement]

There, aren't you thrilled? Lord knows I am. (And I still don't like IJ; it has a new trick. Even though I've asked it to remember me and log me in each time at this journal, and have not asked it that at _smoke_, it just refuses to recognize me at all, making me log in each time. Like I remember. It also refuses to display the tool bar on every page, as requested, and only puts it on my entries page. *kicks*)

So, since GJ is having issues, I thought maybe I'd move all my fic to IJ. aunty_marion directed me to some links that made it easy enough, however - (and this is a huge however - as it is an archive, with an index, and everything linked froward, backward and sideways, all the links have to be redone 'cause the urls are all different on the new journal. The index alone has 77 links.

Then, I have to upload user pics, link them on stories, and redo the tags.

And, for some reason known only to the Squeaky, the choices for colors are different on the new account and this account, even though they are both free accounts. WTF??

God I hate moving.

(Where did these mood icons come from? I didn't chose these mood icons.)